It’s unfortunate, but at almost every stage of life, we encounter people whose true purpose is to hold us back rather than lift us up. They disguise themselves as friends, blending seamlessly into our lives, laughing with us, supporting us, and even celebrating our wins.
Sometimes, they aren’t even our closest friends but just people within our social circle, colleagues, teammates, or acquaintances we interact with regularly.
These individuals may seem genuine, but beneath the surface, their intentions are far from good. They lurk in the shadows, quietly waiting for the right moment to bring us down. We’re talking about frenemies – the ones who wear the mask of friendship while secretly rooting for our failure.
The tricky part? You may never notice when someone shifts from being a friend to a frenemy because they don’t suddenly change how they act around you. What changes is their perception of you—and that shift can be triggered by many things. Sometimes, it’s envy, competition, or unresolved resentment that turns an otherwise well-meaning person into a toxic presence in your life.
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Why People Become Frenemies
These are some of the reasons why an otherwise lovely person can turn into a bloodsucking frenemy:
- When you seem to have it all – Some people resent seeing you succeed and enjoy the good things in life.
- When you are overly admired by others – Too much attention on you can make them feel overshadowed, leading to hidden resentment.
- When they are egoistic – Their pride won’t allow them to accept that you might be better at something.
- When you are in competition with them – Whether it’s in work, academics, sports, or even social status, competition can bring out their true colours.
- When they have something to gain – They stay close, not out of genuine friendship, but because they see an opportunity for personal benefit.
- When they have nothing better to do – Boredom and insecurity can drive people to create unnecessary drama and rivalry.
- When they are jealous of your qualities and abilities – Instead of appreciating your strengths, they secretly wish they had them.
- When they constantly feel disadvantaged compared to you – Seeing you always one step ahead fuels their silent frustration.
- When they can’t get what you have – Whether it’s success, relationships, or opportunities, their inability to attain what you have can turn admiration into resentment.
How To Spot Frenemies
Since these backstabbers are often difficult to spot, it’s crucial to learn how to identify them before they can cause harm. However, it’s important to remember that no friendship is perfect, and sometimes, it can be hard to distinguish between a genuine friend and someone pretending to be one.
There is a clear line between true friends and frenemies. Real friends have a completely different mindset. They may not be perfect, but their intentions are genuine. While recognizing true friendship is a topic for another day, today, we focus on the subtle signs that expose a frenemy. No matter how well they hide their actions or feelings, there will always be small telltale signs that give them away.
Spotting these people can be challenging, but you might already have some suspicions. This article will serve as a comprehensive guide to help you confirm your instincts and recognize frenemies for who they truly are.Let’s read on to learn more.
They Downplay Your Achievements
A frenemy will never truly celebrate your success. Even if they smile and cheer you on, deep down, they can’t help but wonder—why does it always have to be you? No matter how much your achievements mean to you, they will find ways to make them seem insignificant. They might dismiss your hard work, brush off your success as luck, or subtly shift the conversation away from your wins.
What sets them apart from real friends is their inability to acknowledge your growth without feeling threatened. A true friend will always remind you how deserving you are and will celebrate even your smallest victories. They will uplift you, make you feel proud, and continue to encourage you.
Frenemies, on the other hand, see your success as a blow to their ego. Instead of supporting you, they become envious and attempt to downplay your accomplishments just to make themselves feel better.
If someone close to you constantly makes remarks that undermine your achievements, subtly discredits your hard work, or refuses to acknowledge your success, it might be time to reconsider their place in your life.
They Talk Behind Your Back
It’s natural for friends to talk about one another in conversations, especially when they’re praising and uplifting each other. However, the problem arises when someone you trust speaks negatively about you behind your back, tarnishing your image in front of others.
Frenemies will seize any opportunity to pull you down. When you’re not around, they will observe your actions, both good and bad, twist the truth, invent rumours, and encourage gossip. They align themselves with other frenemies and contribute to discussions that are meant to undermine you. True friends value trust and loyalty, but frenemies have no problem betraying both.
You may start noticing subtle signs, awkward silences when you enter a room, sudden shifts in energy, or whispers that stop the moment you walk by. If you ever feel that something is off, trust your instincts. Pay attention to repeated warnings from others who have overheard negative comments about you. And if you ever catch someone you once trusted spreading falsehoods or belittling you behind your back, take it as a clear sign, they are not a real friend. They are a frenemy.
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They Are Manipulative
Frenemies are masters of manipulation. They play mind games, using subtle tactics to confuse you and gain the upper hand. They don’t hesitate to use underhanded methods to get what they want, even if it means taking advantage of your vulnerability.
A true friend offers support and protection in difficult times. They look out for you and stand by your side. A frenemy, on the other hand, exploits your weaknesses. They make it seem as though you need them, only to manipulate you into doing things on their terms.
In some cases, you may notice that your so-called friend only helps you when there’s something in it for them. If someone consistently expects something in return for their support or uses emotional tactics to guilt-trip you into doing things their way, that’s a clear red flag you’re dealing with a frenemy.
They Feel Threatened When You Get Involved
A true friend is excited to work alongside you, whether it’s a project, a competition, or any shared goal. They encourage you, help you prepare, and genuinely want to see you succeed.
Frenemies, however, feel threatened by your involvement. Instead of being excited to share an opportunity with you, they start to worry that your presence will outshine them. They may withdraw, become distant, or even subtly discourage you from participating. Sometimes, they try to make you feel guilty or unworthy by pointing out flaws in your abilities or highlighting potential failures, all in a biased way meant to shake your confidence.
But that shouldn’t be the case. A real friend would embrace the challenge and see it as an opportunity to grow and achieve greatness together. If someone close to you starts acting cold or resentful whenever you get involved in something meaningful, it’s time to question where you stand in their life.
They Always Want It To Be About Them
Most frenemies have huge egos. They crave attention and do everything they can to keep the spotlight on themselves. Whether it’s boasting about their achievements, flaunting their connections, or exaggerating their success, they always find a way to steer conversations back to themselves.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating personal wins but a frenemy doesn’t just share their success, they rub it in your face. They mention their achievements not to inspire, but to spark envy.
True hard workers don’t need to broadcast their success, they let their achievements speak for themselves. There’s a saying in Ghana that translates to: good beads don’t rattle. When someone constantly tries to make you feel inferior by flaunting their success in a spiteful way, take note, there’s an invisible competition at play, and you might not even be aware of it.
You Are Not Comfortable Being Friends With Them
One of the clearest signs of a frenemy is when you just can’t seem to feel at ease around them. These friends will subtly find ways to lower your spirits, whether it’s through passive-aggressive comments, sarcasm, or other underhanded tactics. Whenever you’re in their presence, you can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t right. Your instincts will tell you that their presence is unsettling.
If you constantly feel uneasy, as though they’re always doing something that doesn’t sit well with you, it’s time to step back and assess the situation. Trust your gut, the discomfort you feel is a clear sign that they are not the friend you thought they were. At this point, it’s important to take action and end the friendship before it drains you.
They Are Overly Dependent On You
It’s natural for friends to lean on each other during tough times. Helping a friend in need is part of the bond we share. However, a frenemy takes this to an extreme. They constantly rely on you for support, and it starts to feel like you’re carrying them on your shoulders.
It’s one thing to offer a helping hand when your friend truly needs it, but when their demands go beyond your capacity to assist, that’s when the red flags appear. If they start criticising you for not meeting their unrealistic expectations or questioning your loyalty when you can’t help them, you’re not dealing with a friend, you’re dealing with a frenemy.
Pay attention to this behaviour. If you notice they begin to manipulate or guilt-trip you when you’re unable to fulfil their demands, it’s time to rethink the dynamic of your relationship.
Final Words
Frenemies are more common than you think. You will encounter them at every stage of life, whether in social circles, workplaces, or even within family. Knowing how to spot the signs of a frenemy early on can save you a lot of emotional distress in the long run.
As much as they can negatively impact your life, remember that they, too, are human, perhaps acting out of their own insecurities or personal struggles. That doesn’t mean you should let them pull you down, though.
Don’t be their victim. Recognise the patterns, distance yourself, and focus on nurturing genuine relationships that lift you up. Healthy connections are far more beneficial than toxic ones, and it’s always worth investing your time and energy in friendships that bring out the best in you.
