One thing is certain, moving on after a divorce is tough. Going through a divorce is one of the toughest things that any individual could go through. It’s like a breakup, but more parties have to be involved.
Whether you’re going through a breakup or a divorce with your co-parent, one thing that’s certain is that you need to think about your kid. They’re just as much involved in this situation as you are. They especially need to be helped and guided through when it comes to all of this.
But how can you ensure that this can be easy for them? It’s a trying time for you, but how are they expected to keep strong through all of this?
Well, as a parent, you have to make sure that this is easy, or else a lot of trauma can manifest, something no good parent would want for their child. So, here are some ways that you can help your little one while you’re working through your divorce.
You Need to Be Honest with Them
Children of divorced parents can experience a wide range of emotions. Depending on their age, they may not have the words to express themselves, or they may blame one parent or the other. They need to know that both of their parents love them and that everything will be okay.
When it comes to discussing your separation or divorce with your kids, be honest but sensitive. Younger kids will need less detail and will do best with simple explanations, while older children can handle more details but will probably have questions or concerns.
It’s important to reassure them that the split isn’t their fault and that you will not be getting back together. This will prevent them from holding on to unrealistic hopes and feelings that can make the transition more difficult for them. In the end, you know everything will be okay, but they’re not going to understand that, so be honest but be patient with how they react to you and what you’re telling them.
Don’t Say Bad Things About Your Ex
This is especially apparent if it’s your child’s parent or your ex that they had a close connection with. It’s easy to lose your temper and say things about your ex that aren’t very nice, but this isn’t something you should ever do in front of your children.
It’s not only disrespectful, but it also makes your kids angry at you. You don’t have to have a good relationship with the person you’re divorcing, but you shouldn’t bluntly say your feelings about them to your little one. In fact, even when you’re hiring a lawyer, such as https://bencarrascolaw.com/ you’re still going to need to not openly tell your thoughts and feelings on the matter.
If you find yourself saying bad things about your ex, take a step back and consider talking to a therapist or venting to friends. You might have some very valid reasons for why you don’t like your ex, but your kids don’t need to hear that. Your kids need a healthy relationship with both parents, and you shouldn’t do anything to destroy that. You may even want to speak to a psychologist yourself to help you think through your feelings and make better choices in the future.
If you need a referral for a family therapist, ask your pediatrician or local mental health professionals. They’ll probably have some great recommendations. They can also offer you strategies for communicating effectively and handling difficult emotions. In the end, this is going to be good for you and make things easier for you as well as your child.
Keep it All Positive
Do your best to keep the lines of communication open with your ex. This means being civil whenever you are together in front of your children. Refrain from arguing and never talk negatively about your ex, even if you are texting or talking on the phone with them. If you do need to discuss sensitive topics like why divorce is happening, be careful about what you say. Only share what is age appropriate and keep the explanations simple. Reassure your kids that you both still love them and want them to be a part of your lives.
This is important so that they don’t feel like they need to choose which parent to spend time with and can maintain a healthy relationship with both of you. So, does this mean that you need to smile and have a cheery attitude? While you don’t have to constantly put a smile on, if you’re being stressed, angry, and taking your feelings out on others, then this is only going to make matters worse and potential trauma for your child. So you’ll have to be positive if you can!
It’s All About Reassurance
Will things go back to normal? No, there will be a new normal, and your child will have to eventually learn to accept that. But in the end, you’ll need to give them reassurance that you’re doing okay. It’s also important to allow them time to adjust to their new life and routine.
They will need to grieve the loss of their family and the relationship they had with their former spouse. It is a normal part of the divorce process, and they will get through it. It’s going to be hard, but you’ll need to stay patient when it comes to reassuring them about everything, as everything will be fine in the end.
Show Them Love
Talk with your kids about their feelings. They will have many, and some of them will be hard to express. If your child seems reluctant to talk or is blaming one parent, try getting them to see a therapist for professional help. While you shouldn’t push their feelings outward, a therapist can.
But in the end, it’s more about keeping them comfortable. Showing them love and attention will help out a lot. While you don’t need to spoil them with gifts ( as for most children, this isn’t going to make them feel any better), giving them positive attention and love is going to help a lot. Make sure to spend time with them and listen to them if they decide to open up.